downer

so, after the hyperness of yesterday, on a bit of a downer today. id say i had bi polar but i think that would be my hypochondria peeking out.
and you know what, i really need to learn to fucking spell and use grammar again because here i am off to do an english degree and either out of laziness, or stress or perhaps a real medical syndrome, i cant spell and its doing my head it.

today, i did plan to go shopping but im doing that thing where i either spend lots of money or no money and currently its no money. and also i had a really crap nights sleep what with the cat mauling my face, someone putting their bin out at 2 am, being text by the gym at just after 9, being rung on the house phone 4 times before ten, that i think im just going to potter round the house and maybe have a nap, and bake! bought my chocolate chips yesterday so i can make my cookies now.

but i need a loverly outfit for friday, beth bought a fantastic dress yesterday and now we've been ordered "not to outdo her" which i couldnt if i tried but i want to at least look like ive made a good effort in being presentable. so il go to preston tomorow cos i also need to buy preseents.
this weekend is going to be expensive what with taxi costs and presents and what not.

and georgina is being depressing on the msn which is not helping matters but im trying to be the wise voice of wisdom - probably not suceeding toooo well to be honest. haha i think her dissapperaing off line is a bad reaction to my

"dont meh if you get so upset about waiting. just do this year and go and do whatever it is you want to"

but, you cant just "meh" about things in your life. "life's for living so go and get it" - amerie knows a thing or two, like how to make two songs sound incredibly similar because the first one did so well and the next two different sounding songs didnt, for example. OFF TOPIC but oh well.

but i am doing really well about not "meh" - ing about things in my life. for the moment ive let it goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. so perhaps i just feel like i can preach after a relatively small achievement.

although i did "meh" about my a level results because i cared massively for the entire 2 years of doing them so by the end of it, id used up my caring allowance and was just a bit blase about it all. i cant find the accent to put in blase which i doubt is spelt correctly at all. but face, bothered?

and im a bit the same about uni, cos there was never any doubt that i wouldnt go, so now that i am, its a bit like.... soooo? but god its depressing when i realise i really want to find fashion sense out of thin air and its stupid because some days i look really nice and other days i look awful, like yesterday i felt horrible (and yet had a wicked day) and its just bizare how clothing can have such an effect. but walking round h and m yesterday was just like walking round exeter uni and maybe i do have a need to fit in with everyone. and in a way im fighting with myself, cos half of me is like "well screw the fuckers its only clothes" and then the other half is like "but wouldnt it be nice to be considered cool for a change" but then, all my friends think im cool so, it shouldnt matter should it. and talking about it makes me sound so immature, but you cant really say im alone in feeling this because if i was then the entire female magazine industry wouldnt work, shopping wouldnt have any value, wags would be out of a hobby, millions of people wouldnt have a job in retail, tanning salons would go bust etc etc etc,
but i just havent found where i fit comfortably i guess, because i could never throw myself fully into "oh my god i am not talking to her, she is wearing xxxx for gods sake" but, i would like to look nice.

and on that depressing note, im off to clean out the rabbits. FUN TIMES.
x

Facebooook

linked the blog to facebook now, officially, so should probably cut down on the swearing or il get a disapproving poke from my sister.

i am so proud of myself today! had such a good day that im sat here smiling a smile that if it was a sound it would sound like "wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh" and if it was an action if would be a little giddy, gay man style jump and clap.
luckily, managing to hold it all in although seeing as i was talking out loud to myself whilst unpacking my shopping i dont see why i cant just make random moves and sound effects.

i have been to manchester and bought nothing but a big daddy kfc box which frankly i wasted, tried on a horrific purple dress..... pleats? PLEATS?! and went round manchester art gallery, will get the pictures up because after browings the pre-raphellite and victorian pictures we moved onto the interactive section hehehe and then saw the kylie exhibition which i should probably take my dad to see but it finishes this sunday, but my god, how small is this woman? there were loads of outfits and i was "this close" to a mtv award but her jeans must be a size 2 or something equally rediculous.
and then we strolled into urban outfitters where everyone looks like they section off their clothing into different categories and then wear one or more of each category, and tried on a top that would be great for shoplifting it was that baggy.

so i know, you're reading this thinking "and........." but basically that was it but it was sooooooooooooooooooooo much fun.

and ive just got home from asda, using a literally door to door bus service with only me on the bus AND it was free, so sooon i shall be having my tea.

and i realise that this is not my normal blogging style namely because i am happy rather than cynically depressed but i make no apologies.

pishfff. off to make tea now i think.
smiley smileyyyyyyyy
x

all that jazz

and oh the lack of comments just kills me.... doesn't really, couldn't give a shit to be fair although it would be nice i suppose.

but i write this for myself more than anyone else, in a way, i wish i hadnt linked it to my facebook, not sure if anyone on there has read it, but knowing that they could do means i have to edit myself a bit which sucks mucho.

should just write what i like, free speech and all that but it would get me into trouble and i cannot be arsed with trouble.

i cant believe the time it is already today, i was up at five to wave off the parents and sister and that just seems ages away. obvioously after a "nice cup of tea" i went back to bed again and got up at eleven but so much time has just whizzed by since i made myself a gorgeous tuna melt at lunch for breakfast and started planning my meals.
ive just started getting hungry again so i think i will go and bake some biscuits and then get started on my marinated chicken, with pasta and sugarsnap peas. i quite like this cooking marlarky although im trying to make a menu for this week and everytime i sit down and try and do it i end up starving and i am hungry again now.

been tidying my room today, how exciting, got rid of a lot of clothes which is good because i want some new ones and managed to sort everything out for random washes.

tomorow i need to go shopping and gyming and on wednesday i need to go shopping in preston for bday presents and some new clothes maybe, shouldnt really afford but we will see if the 20 pounds my dad left me for food can work out for this week. - hence the menu.

meh, not really in a blogging mood anymore so im not sure why i started blogging to be honest.
oh well.
leave me love and all that jazz.
x

tonight, leave me alone im lonely

firstly, i have come to the conclusion that my blog name is absoultely far too long to type when even the slightest bit drunk.

now, i am not really that drunk tbh, just depressed and tired and slightly tipsy.



but ive just come home early from preston because i was about to sleep on the dance floor, after someone stole my shoe during watermelon football, how fucking rude?



but yeah, five nights of partying and one day of working is not good for the body. i dont drink that much but seriously............ need one hell of a massage and detox right now.



and i need to sort my head out because its getting to the point of needing therapy and thats totally serious, in some small way its taking over part of my life and im now wondering that if i could eternal sunshine my memory whether i would or not, because its my memories that are tormenting me and its actually really annoying, not even the slightest bit enjoyable anymore.

i have discovered a real jealous insecure side of myself which i dislike immensely and i would like it to be gone please.



and now, now now now, that im seeing results on the old body after weeks and weeks of gymness, i need to work on the old dance moves because franky they suck and i am never going to pull anyone with how i move.

on the plus side, my sense of style has devolped somewhat over night and tonight someone said i looked like a hairdresser, which im taking to be a compliment because generally they tend to be on the funky side of fashion and i like that.

wahay, my blog dissapeared but it saved automatically so i dont have to retype it all.

and i think that if i am pressing the wrong buttons it is time for bed.

leave me love if you want. im in need of it. but its unlikely il get it from any of you fuckers.

x

oh, oh, oh

well no-one has commented, how rude. how am i supposed to know if anyone is reading it if no-one comments? because no-one commenting gives the impression that no-one is reading and then, what would be the point of me spending my time sat here talking if no-one is listening? although really perhaps that is the logic behind "not that anyone cares wat i say" because, although nobody cares, im saying it anyway.

i have managed to read one book on my uni reading list today and am feeling very proud of myself, and yes i did read it in one day but really about 1 hour and a half and thats because, it was a shortish book and im a fast reader.

ive just got home from the local pub and realised i have been to that pub for the past 4 nights so its a good job i am moving 250+ miles down the country in 23 days or else id be thinking that i have got somewhat stuck in a rut, although i do spend my nights with different people doing different things wearing different clothes and wearing different drinks, and doesnt that line sound quite lyrical?

"and shes there everynight, with different people doing different things,
wearing different clothes and drinking different drinks, oh oh,
and wouldnt you know that oh, she gets out so much thats shes hardly in and oh,
wouldnt you care that nobody listens to the words she sings,
so why does she bother when nobody hears,
still singing her songs through frustrated tears and oh, oh, oh,
she'll be there till judgement day,
singing oh for the love of god but nobody cares what i say"

i know thats quite simple rhyming but you have to admit that off the top of my head, that is pretty damm good manipulation of the english language.

anyway, back to the topic in hand, which was really so inconsequential that ive forgotten in completely, ive read a book and gone to the pub.
exciting stuff wouldnt you know.

i also drove a car, which was a big and exciting and mildly illegal event.

Heloo

Well, after rudely being moved from lunar, i am here, it's me, Emille, and now that i can't see who is reading my blogs, it's mandatory that you post a comment, if you don't i won't hunt you down or kill you, I'll just feel cheated, upset, hurt, angry, disillusioned and many other adjectives.

It's totally different posting on here than on lunar, so i will take a while to get used to it, bear with me.

And if i get any new readers who dont have a clue who jamper is, or anything like that.... tough. it's not really that vitally important you know what's going on really, you'll soon pick it up or it'll be midly entertaining whilst trying.

x