downer

so, after the hyperness of yesterday, on a bit of a downer today. id say i had bi polar but i think that would be my hypochondria peeking out.
and you know what, i really need to learn to fucking spell and use grammar again because here i am off to do an english degree and either out of laziness, or stress or perhaps a real medical syndrome, i cant spell and its doing my head it.

today, i did plan to go shopping but im doing that thing where i either spend lots of money or no money and currently its no money. and also i had a really crap nights sleep what with the cat mauling my face, someone putting their bin out at 2 am, being text by the gym at just after 9, being rung on the house phone 4 times before ten, that i think im just going to potter round the house and maybe have a nap, and bake! bought my chocolate chips yesterday so i can make my cookies now.

but i need a loverly outfit for friday, beth bought a fantastic dress yesterday and now we've been ordered "not to outdo her" which i couldnt if i tried but i want to at least look like ive made a good effort in being presentable. so il go to preston tomorow cos i also need to buy preseents.
this weekend is going to be expensive what with taxi costs and presents and what not.

and georgina is being depressing on the msn which is not helping matters but im trying to be the wise voice of wisdom - probably not suceeding toooo well to be honest. haha i think her dissapperaing off line is a bad reaction to my

"dont meh if you get so upset about waiting. just do this year and go and do whatever it is you want to"

but, you cant just "meh" about things in your life. "life's for living so go and get it" - amerie knows a thing or two, like how to make two songs sound incredibly similar because the first one did so well and the next two different sounding songs didnt, for example. OFF TOPIC but oh well.

but i am doing really well about not "meh" - ing about things in my life. for the moment ive let it goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. so perhaps i just feel like i can preach after a relatively small achievement.

although i did "meh" about my a level results because i cared massively for the entire 2 years of doing them so by the end of it, id used up my caring allowance and was just a bit blase about it all. i cant find the accent to put in blase which i doubt is spelt correctly at all. but face, bothered?

and im a bit the same about uni, cos there was never any doubt that i wouldnt go, so now that i am, its a bit like.... soooo? but god its depressing when i realise i really want to find fashion sense out of thin air and its stupid because some days i look really nice and other days i look awful, like yesterday i felt horrible (and yet had a wicked day) and its just bizare how clothing can have such an effect. but walking round h and m yesterday was just like walking round exeter uni and maybe i do have a need to fit in with everyone. and in a way im fighting with myself, cos half of me is like "well screw the fuckers its only clothes" and then the other half is like "but wouldnt it be nice to be considered cool for a change" but then, all my friends think im cool so, it shouldnt matter should it. and talking about it makes me sound so immature, but you cant really say im alone in feeling this because if i was then the entire female magazine industry wouldnt work, shopping wouldnt have any value, wags would be out of a hobby, millions of people wouldnt have a job in retail, tanning salons would go bust etc etc etc,
but i just havent found where i fit comfortably i guess, because i could never throw myself fully into "oh my god i am not talking to her, she is wearing xxxx for gods sake" but, i would like to look nice.

and on that depressing note, im off to clean out the rabbits. FUN TIMES.
x