Pursuit of happiness

Life is Good.

So, because life is so good, I'm on a mission to make it even better and make sure that it stays forever at a rate of ten smiles a day. Sounds random? it is. But honestly, I don't think I've ever been this happy, with the happiness just coming from within. You know, I'm not happy cos this girl is texting me or that girl kissed me or whatever, I'm just happy being me. I cant think of anything worse than a relationship right now which is soooo funny considering how i have spent the last 3/4 years of my life going from a relationship, to wanting one, to being in one and now, right now, i don't even miss the sex, let alone the cuddles or the presents. Yeah i know that you can see my priorities from the list what with sex coming first and all but, i was never like that really.... it wasnt JUST about the sex. because if it was, i dont think that long distance relationships are really the best way to gurantee sex on a regular basis. but to be honest, i'd scream if i was in a relationship right now, and much as i am happy for everyone and anyone who's making all googly eyes a lot of the time i just want to yell at them to open their stupid googly eyes and just look. around.

but, that is just one sided because, if i was in a fulfiling beautiful relationship, id look at all the single people and be like "aww isnt it a shame you have noone to say they love you" etc etc and im sure at one point i either have done or will do exactly that. but, right now, i just want to rub my beautiful fulfiling relationship with myself in everyone's faces.

and i know that, this is all very ego tripping and "arent i a mother fucking brilliant person" which sounds so up myself its unreal but, for the first time in a very long time, i dont hate myself, i dont need other people to love what i cant love in myself, i dont crave compliments, attention, admiration. I dont need to hear their declarations of undying love. because i've stopped the hating. and only on a simple level. i still hate my spots, wish i was taller, thinner, had the ability to stop a room but, in another way, i dont want all that, and i'm happy without it. really really happy.

and because, i have a tendency to get happy and then get really sad and urgh and especially because it's getting on for winter which is not my best time of year happiness wise, i am thinking of what i can do to continue the happy feeling.

i have noticed in myself, that i have a severe lack of concentration at the moment, and i definately need to perhaps calm down a bit from my loving of life and remember that books need to be read and i do need to find a job. but, i'm on a mission to do exciting things, decided im going to join the dance, debating and conservative societies. - exciting i know. but im also going to go and volunteer somewhere, like tomorow im going to the cat rescue place with my sister because that's where she volunteers and i think something like that would really help me feel like im just doing something whilst im here ticking away until i hit the dust.
i'm also, going to plan for next summer. need to go somewhere and do something.

i wish i could bottle this feeling and down it everytime i felt sad.
:-)
x